A Eulogy for My Dear Friend Samuel Calvin Balderman

How do you say goodbye to someone who’s been a part of your life for all of your life or at least most of my life. Born in August 1947 in a DP camp in Linz Austria Samuel Calvin Balderman, Shmuel Bezalel was my dear friend always, at least from the 6^th grade. His parents, Leon and Cyril called him Sammy. To me and he was Sam. His demeanor and his deportment commanded respect and deference so it was only natural that he be addressed with a name short, curt and to the point. If this was true about his bearing it also carried through to his manner of speech. He was “Rashi esque” in that he was economical with his words. I believe one would describe him as laconic in the sense that he thought carefully and chose his words impeccably.

Sam was fun loving but under that youthful façade was a sadness that was hard to appreciate until one learned Sam’s story. He was a child of survivors who spoke to me of the Holocaust of the death camps and the incredible story of his parents Leon and Cyril. Imagine a pampered American 11 year old learning of the murder of Leon’s wife and children. Sam was consumed with the deaths of the brothers he never knew, and being his dear friend I too was at a loss. I who never knew of death and loss looked at Sam who already at this tender age had saddened eyes. He was the child of survivors but in many ways he was a survivor. But Sam although saddened also lived life well. He knew how to play loved basketball and made friends easily.

An early memory: Sam and I as pre teens often sat on the floor between the two single beds and listened to 33 RPM’s. Sam belonged to the Columbia record Club and was always up on the latest music. His father would periodically poke his head in the room reminding us to stop wasting time and study.

But even though we spent time doing stuff, Sam was serious about his life and his future. Already at a young age he wanted to go to college and become a doctor. We were still in grade school and Sam already knew what he wanted to do with his life. I suppose that for Sam sports was his way of balancing the stresses in his life.

Loving sports Sam played basketball across the street from his apartment in the school yard when he got it into his head that he wanted to learn how to swim. He convinced me to join him in a summer program at the local public high school.

An early memory: Boys swim class: Our first swim class ever we lined up naked in front of the pool, and while listening to the swim instructor Sam and I were horrified at the site of seeing for the first time ever an uncircumcised penis was.

A few summers latr we returned to Roosevelt High School to take biology in summer school since the yeshiva where we attended for high school didn’t have a lab.

An early memory:  It was our first encounter with girls and we both fell in love with Linda Jeske who was taking biology for the second time. Sam and I were lab partners and during the dissection of a frog neither of us were able to take our eyes off of Linda. I however was handling the scalpel. As a result of not focusing the scalpel slipped and I cut off part of my thumb. Rushed to the hospital by a fonze like student Sam ran after us with the piece of my thumb in an envelope, instructing me to give it to the doc in the ER. Even then, at age 14 Sam was a doctor in his head. His quick thinking saved my thumb. Every time I glance at my thumb I am remembered of Sam and his quick thinking.

Sam was serious and when we finished grade school the both of us decided that we rather attend Yeshiva High School rather than the Chicago Jewish Academy because the Jewish studies program at Yeshiva was more intensive. Sam pulled me and the irony was that by the time we finished high school Sam wen toff to University of Illinois and I continued at the Yeshiva.

An early memory: The two of us boarded a bus in Chicago at age 13 and travelled the 5 miles to Skokie where the yeshiva was located. We carried our suitcases the last half-mile from the bus stop to the school for we weren’t going to be coming home for a week, perhaps two. We were both a little sad leaving home but we took comfort in being together.

So how do I eulogize a man, a best friend, someone whose been part of my life always. Even on a family trip to Salzburg, Austria I past a road sign that pointed the direction to Linz. And for the rest of the journey I was focused on Sam’s bitter sweet  beginnings on this earth.

On Passover we read the Haggadah. When we get to the passage   חייב אדם לראות את עצמו כאילו הוא יצא ממצרים. This is a tall order and almost impossible. Our rabbis spent a lot of time on this trying to spin it and sometimes almost convincing – yet I find it impossible to read about our slavery and yet to feel the pain, to experience the hardship and suffering. Had it not been for my deep friendship with Sam I never would have understood what the rabbis had in mind. Sam experienced the holocaust, he lived the holocaust his entire life even though  he was born three years after the liberation of the camps. He felt his parents suffering, he experienced their deep agonizing pain and mourned the loss of his siblings as though he had personally known them. Sam was a survivor.

With all the pain Sam loved Cindy very deeply. Upon their engagement Sam wrote me a lengthy letter extolling the virtues of Cindy. There I was, languishing on an artillery base in the Negev and reading this syrapy letter, which was really out of character for Sam. They were meant of each other. And if ever there was credence to the aphorism that it was a marriage made in heaven this was it. A love story in which they raised 5 beautiful and talented children, Sophia, Joshua, Lisa, Gabby and Benjamin, each talented and accomplished; each loving and devoted to each other their families and their people.

In one of our last phone conversations when Sam was having difficulty staying on the phone he once again with great pride and love recited the virtues and accomplishments of each of his children. Sam has left an incredible legacy.

But beyond his rich legacy he has been able to give expression to another enigma: Man’s Search for Meaning. Man in Search of Meaning. How does one find meaning in life? What Viktor Frankl wrote about and tried to teach others Sam lived and instinctively knew. While we may have a choice on how we live our lives we don’t have a choice on how or when we die. We sometimes have a choice on how we approach our end thus giving it meaning. Samuel Calvin Balderman, Shmuel Bezalel, chose to live his life with meaning by loving his wife and children deeply, with acts of kindness to others, commitment to community and his people, giving to others and loving his family with all of his heart and soul. Even when he understood that his end was nigh he shared with me how much it pains him to be a burden on his family. But he wasn’t, he never was. He was loved and admired by his family. He died with grace and purity: surrounded by those who loved him.

יהי זכרו מבורך

-Shael