One of the highlights of Shabbos at Ner Israel high school in Baltimore was the Shabbos afternoon
lecture from the Ner Israel Maggid, Rav Kalman Weinreb. Rav Kalman, as he is known, is the longest
standing high-school Rebbi at Ner Israel. His Shabbos afternoon speeches are always engaging and
entertaining, as well as moving and inspiring.
One year, on Shabbos Parshas Vayeitzei, Rav Kalman shared an explanation of a “side story” in the
Parsha that brings the story to life and sheds a positive light on what is otherwise a rather disturbing
anecdote. In Chapter 30, Verse 14, the Torah tells us that Reuven, Leah’s first-born son, had found some
dudaim flowers that he brought home for his mother Leah. Rachel approaches Leah and asks her to
“Please give me some of your son’s dudaim”. Leah then responds, “Was it not enough that you took my
husband, and you will take my son’s dudaim as well?!” Leah’s response is not only insensitive, it’s
shocking.
At this point in the Parsha, Leah has already given birth to four children, while her sister
remains barren. This was the cause for Rachel’s interest in these special dudaim flowers because they
were known to aid in fertility. If we turn back earlier in the Parsha, we learn that Yaakov was never
interested in Leah; he only married her as a result of one of Lavan’s deceptive schemes. Rashi teaches
us that Rachel was directly involved in Leah’s marriage to Yaakov. Yaakov had suspected that Lavan
would try to swap Leah for Rachel, so he made a secret code for Rachel to tell him under the chuppah.
When Rachel realized the tremendous embarrassment that her sister would suffer if Yaakov would
discover her under the chuppah, she decided to tell her sister Yaakov’s secret code. Rachel risked losing
her groom forever in order to save her sister. Now, only a few years later, Leah has the gull to chastise
Rachel, “Is it not enough that you took my husband!” Leah’s husband?! There could be nothing further
from the truth! How could Leah say such a thing?
Rav Kalman explained that if you look in the Da’as Z’keinim you will find what Yaakov’s code was:
challah, Shabbos candles, and family purity. Rav Kalman suggested that when Rachel told Leah Yaakov’s
code, she didn’t tell her that this was a secret code; she was giving her kallah classes, teaching her what
a Jewish bride needs to know. She warned Leah, “This Yaakov fellow is very religious, he will quiz you
under the chuppah.” Leah never knew that she was not meant to be! Rachel had kept it a secret all
those years.
Now we understand Leah’s remarks. She thought that Yaakov was her husband and Rachel jumped on
as number two, stealing Yaakov’s love and attention away from her. At that moment, Rachel had the
opportunity of a lifetime; she could have let Leah in on her little secret and revealed who Yaakov’s “real”
wife was. But Rachel doesn’t seize this opportunity. With an act of super-human self-control, she keeps
her secret to herself and continues to protect her sister’s dignity.
We can learn from both Rachel and Leah in this short episode. From Rachel, we learn the importance of
protecting another person’s dignity, even when it means self-sacrifice. Rachel also teaches us that even
when we have been wronged and we have the power to put someone in his or her place, it is better to
keep it to ourselves than to hurt another. We can also learn from Leah. Imagine how Leah would feel if
she knew the truth. Imagine how she would regret her words to her sister Rachel if she knew what really had transpired. We must be very careful with our words. It is all too easy to say something hurtful and insensitive, only to find out later the painful truth, that there’s always more to the story.