There are many significant components to a Jewish wedding, but what moment is the most important?
What is the most critical moment for the chassan and kallah, bride and groom? The answer is-the ring.
When the chassan gives his wife-to-be her wedding ring they become halachically married. At that
moment, everything changes forever; the kallah instantly becomes forbidden to every man other than
her new husband.
This form of marriage is known as kidushei kesef, marriage through a monetary exchange. Indeed, the
same can be accomplished through any item of value, not only a ring. The Talmud in Meseches
Kiddushin derives this halacha from this week’s Parsha, but not from where you might expect to find it,
from the retrieval of Rivka as Yitzchak’s new wife. The Talmud derives this halacha from Avraham’s
purchase of Efron’s field that contained Ma’aras Hamachpeila, the tomb in Chevron that Avraham chose
as Sarah’s burial plot.
Why should this be the place to teach us how a man and woman should become married according to the Torah?
I once heard a beautiful explanation in the name of the Bobover Rebbe. The purchase of Ma’aras
Hamachpeila was a very unique sale. The seller, Efron, was a money-hungry fellow. The field in which
Avraham was interested was a relatively undesirable plot of land that could not yield a significant crop
under the best circumstances. Efron took advantage of Avraham’s wealth and good-will and collected
an exorbitant sum of money. Efron felt that he got the better end of the deal, far more money than he
deserved for his land. Avraham, on the other hand, was a spiritual man who understood the true value
of Efron’s property.
This plot of land in Chevron contained Ma’aras Hamachpeila, the cave in which Adam and Chava were buried. Avraham understood that this land was of very high spiritual value and worth much more than even the most fertile field. Avraham felt that he got the better end of the deal; a field rich with spirituality is worth more than any money. It is truly rare to have a sale such as this where both sides of the transaction feel that they are getting the better end of the deal, the deal of a lifetime, a true win win.
The Bobover Rebbe explains that this is how every chassan and kallah should look at their marriage. The
chassan should appreciate what a wonderful kallah he is getting, a woman with so many wonderful
traits, so special and beautiful inside and out. He should think to himself that he is getting much more
than what he deserves.
The kallah should feel the same way; she should think of everything that makes her chassan special, and she too should approach the chuppah with the feeling that she is getting much more than she deserves. This is the perspective the Torah is hinting to by using the very unique sale of Ma’aras Hamachpeila in this week’s Parsha as the source for kedushei kesef.
This message is not only for a bride and groom on their wedding day, it is important for every husband and wife. As life goes on routines develop and we take our spouse for granted. It’s important to always remind ourselves of everything that makes our spouse the special person that he or she is. This constant awareness will help us continue to strengthen our marriages and never take our spouse for granted.
With effort, thoughtfulness, and Hashem’s help we can transform the simple wedding ring into a bond of deep love and appreciation, a true win win.