A wealthy man once died and left his family two envelopes: one to be opened immediately after death and one to be opened after shloshim. The first envelope contained a letter to his children: My children, I have one simple request before I am buried. Please bury me in my socks. The children told this to the Chevra Kadisha who refused to honor his request. They said it is against our mesorah (tradition) and we cannot bury him in his socks. The children were disappointed, but there wasn’t much they could do.
After the shloshim, they opened the second envelope and there was a letter that stated: My children, I know that you tried to bury me in my socks and that the Chevra Kadisha did not allow it, but don’t worry, I didn’t make this request for my honor but for yours. I wanted you to realize that after you die, you can’t even bring your socks with you. You only get to bring your good deeds.
In Kohelet (2:18) we read:
So, too, I loathed all the wealth that I was gaining under the sun. For I shall leave it to the Man who will succeed me and who knows whether he will be wise or foolish?—and he will control all the wealth that I gained by toil and wisdom under the sun. That too is futile.
What do we leave behind that will ensure that those that remember us are enriched and enlivened by our lives?
Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach once said that his parents were poor and left him very little by way of possessions yet they bequeathed to him something more valuable than pearls: The Holy Shabbat!
In a moving tribute, Gila Sacks wrote about her father:
He always knew he was running out of time, not believing that he would live past the age of 40, having had more than one previous brush with death. In fact, death was seemingly always in the back of his mind.
He encouraged me as a teenager to write my own obituary, in order to forge my path in life, so that I should be suitably remembered after it. He encouraged that in all of us – to ask, what do we live for? For what will we be remembered?
When our name is mentioned, how will people fill in the blanks: S/he used to say, do… Keeping in mind that: A good name is better than fragrant oil (Ecclesiastes 7:1)
It was Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel (one of the ten martyrs) who said: “The righteous require no monuments — their words are their memorials.” Similarly, Rabbi Yochanan said in the name of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai: ‘When any Torah scholar’s words of Torah are said, he merits that his lips move/speak in the grave.’” (Yevamot 97a.)
And thus, we conclude Kohelet with the powerful reminder to create a legacy of Divine virtue and ethical excellence: The sum of the matter, when all is said and done: Revere God and observe His commandments! For this is the entirety of a person…