What is marriage?
Says Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, “Marriage is not just living together, a temporary partnership for mutually beneficial ends. Heaven help us if that is all we see in it. It is the point at which the “I” of self meets the “Thou” of another, transforming us into something larger, more spacious, more generous and tender than we could ever be on our own. In marriage at its best you see humanity at its best, and in a loving home you can almost touch the divine presence.”
In Judaism, the wedding day is the most joyous day of one’s life The large number of participants in a wedding reveals that it is not a private happy occasion. The Rabbis afforded great importance to the Mitzva of “Simchat Chatan Ve’kala,” to rejoice and celebrate with a bride and groom. The Rambam (Hilchot Avel 14:1) categorizes this under the general category of Love your fellow as yourself– Vayikra 19:18).
The Talmud tells about Rabbi Shmuel bar Rabbi Yitzchak that even in his old age it was his custom to dance in front of the kallah, bride, while holding three myrtle branches, tossing and juggling them. He was so skillful that even young men were ashamed of themselves for not being able to dance and cheer the bride and groom and kallah as he did.
This has a profound impact on our view of celebrating with others. No longer are we guests at someone’s wedding or bar-mitzvah or aufruf but rather, we are tasked with the responsibility of ensuring the pleasure and joy of the honoree. We are not there to take, partake of a good meal and have fun, rather to find the opportunity to add joy in the heart of another. In so doing, our sense of joy is amplified.
May we know only simchas, Shabbat Shalom