I spent my first four years of marriage as a member of Ner Israel’s Kollel Avodas Levi. During the first
year that I was married, I joined a “shana rishona musar vaad” given by Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz. Rabbi
Horowitz, the Rabbi of Baltimore, MD’s Darchei Tzedek Congregation, gave us newly-weds a weekly pep-
talk about different issues that arise as a Yeshiva boy transitions from bachelorhood to married life.
In one of Rabbi Horowitz’s vaadim, he made a powerful observation regarding a Rashi in this week’s
Parsha.“And Sarah laughed at herself, saying, “After I have withered shall I again have delicate skin? And my
husband is old!”
Then Hashem said to Avraham, “Why is it that Sarah laughed, saying: ‘Shall I in truth bear a child, though
I am aged?’ – Is anything beyond Hashem?! At the appointed time I will return to you at this time next
year, and Sarah will have a son” (Bereishis, 18:12-13).
Rashi picks up on the apparent discrepancy between Sarah’s actual words and Hashem’s report to
Avraham. Sarah exclaimed: “and my husband is old!”, but Hashem reported her as saying, “though I am
aged.”? Would Hashem Himself, the G-d of truth ever utter a lie? Rashi cites a concept that is taught by
the Talmud in Meseches Bava Metzia 87A as well as the Berieshis Rabba, shina mipnei hashalom one is
allowed to alter the truth for the sake of peace. Keeping peace between Avraham and Sarah was so
important that even Hashem Himself felt it was appropriate to alter the truth.
Rabbi Horowitz quoted this Rashi, and asked us the following question: Do you really think that Avraham
would have been insulted by Sarah’s comment? Avraham was not your average man, he was totally
focused on spirituality and spreading knowledge of Hashem and love and kindness in the world. Did
Avraham ever pay any attention to his age?
Furthermore, the fact of the matter is that he was old, very old! At this point Avraham had already reached the ripe old age of ninety-nine, wouldn’t Avraham have expected to be referred to as an old man? Despite all of this, Hashem decided that this was a comment that Avraham would not want to hear. This gives us an idea of how sensitive we need to be towards the feelings of others, especially our own spouses. We should never excuse ourselves with rationale such as, “They won’t mind,” or “It is the truth after all.”
Stories are told of the great Rav Shlomo Zalman Aurebach z”l who never once upset his wife over the
course of their entire marriage. We hear these stories and we tend to think that this level of sensitivity
is something that only very great sages are capable of, but not something for the average person.
Very recently, I discovered that this is not true. When leaving the cemetery after the burial of our dear friend
Mr. Henry Nathan, I overheard Henry’s son, Milton, relating some stories of his father’s demeanor.
Milton reported that his father, Henry, almost never got angry. He could only remember one occasion
on which he started to yell, when the Hospital refused to move his sickly wife to hospice. Milton said
that his father never upset his wife; over their many years of marriage never once did they fight. Mr.
Nathan was a simple man, but he was an exceptionally sensitive and caring man, never allowing himself
to say something hurtful.
Let’s learn from this week’s Parsha the importance of being sensitive to others. Let’s give thought to our
words before we say them to ensure that no one will be insulted. Let’s all learn from Mr. Henry Nathan
that being sensitive to others is not only for great sages, but for all of us, as well. May his memory be
blessed.